


past and present

by Anonymous



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route, Friendship, Golden Deer Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Golden Deer Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Golden Deer Sylvain Jose Gautier, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Post-Canon, Reconciliation, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24568651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: According to Hilda, Dimitri had been pierced by Imperial blades back in Gronder Field. What was interesting about that, however, was the fact that Dimitri's body had never been found.The initial assumption had been that the Imperial soldiers had taken his body - to desecrate, to mock the Faerghuns, to experiment. No one had any idea why; they had just believed what had happened. Felix had been disinclined to accept that, though.Inspired byTorn From My Graspby vongarblueandStag and Wolf, Wyvern and Rabbitby deadlifts
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Dedue Molinaro, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Leonie Pinelli, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Claude von Riegan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56
Collections: Anonymous





	past and present

**Author's Note:**

> Please go ahead and read [Torn From My Grasp](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20963348) by vongarblue. It's a Dimitri/Dedue fic with onesided Dimitri/Felix.
> 
> And also check out [Stag and Wolf, Wyvern and Rabbit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21427219/chapters/51054145) by deadlifts. It's a Claude/Felix fic.

After finishing his business in the former Faerghus region - passing his title to his cousin, ignoring said cousin's complaints, and bidding Ingrid and Sylvain farewells - Felix set off with Leonie. 

"What if Claude's letter arrives? You obviously won't be here to receive it," Sylvain had brought up the day of his departure. 

"I already wrote to him what I'll be doing," Felix had replied. "And if his letter does come, then it'll be on him for not taking me seriously."

"He'd probably send one just to be annoying," Leonie had chimed in knowingly. Ingrid and Felix had rolled their eyes in tandem while Sylvain had laughed. Those of the former Golden Deer house were well-acquainted with Claude's antics, whether for the better or worse. 

Felix and Leonie ventured down south until they were past the Faerghun border, and then they went west. They entered Remire Village and headed towards the Nuvelle territory. They then traveled further down as they went east, climbing over Mount Oghma and reaching as far as Merceus. There wasn't really any logic in going this deep into the former Adrestian region, but Felix wanted to be sure. Afterwards, they went up north to the former Leicester region. 

As they went on their journey, they took up mercenary jobs. Felix and Leonie made a good duo, covering each other's backs and fighting in sync. Felix appreciated his partner's skills just as much as he appreciated her company. Initially, he had been reluctant in having Leonie around, but the feeling had passed as they traversed throughout the continent. 

All the while, whenever they stopped at a destination, they would ask the locals, "Have you seen a man with blond hair and one blue eye who stands over six feet?"

* * *

According to Hilda, Dimitri had been pierced by Imperial blades back in Gronder Field. What was interesting about that, however, was the fact that Dimitri's body had never been found. 

The initial assumption had been that the Imperial soldiers had taken his body - to desecrate, to mock the Faerghuns, to experiment. No one had any idea _why;_ they had just believed what had happened. Felix had been disinclined to accept that, though. 

When the war had been declared over, the news spreading far and wide across Fodlan, Dimitri hadn't returned. When the Byleth had been decreed as the new ruler of a united nation, Dimitri hadn't returned. The man - the legitimate heir to the Faerghun throne - hadn't returned to reclaim his rightful place as king, not even with the nation in relative peace. That enough should have affirmed Dimitri's death, but Felix didn't believe it. 

Dimitri was somewhere out there. Hiding. Or wasting away. Felix didn't know. What he did know was that the prince was somehow alive. No matter what everyone would say, no matter how much Sylvain and Ingrid had attempted to talk him out of it, Felix had been resolute in his belief. 

At least Claude had been supportive.

"I get it," Claude had written in his letter. "You need closure."

Claude had informed him that he would be returning for Felix in two years. Felix had two years to search for Dimitri - two years to trek throughout the continent to find one man. Which was fine. Felix could do that within two years. 

"You know, there's a thing called 'overestimating oneself,'" Leonie had once remarked. "Perhaps you should dwell on it."

"If we don't dwaddle, then there won't be an issue of overestimation," Felix had retorted. 

Leonie had groused about his "pigheadedness," but hadn't objected to his suggestion. They didn't waste more than two days in a village, and would swiftly clear any bandit troubles for their clients. They only took escort missions if the path aligned with their own, and didn't stick around to engage in pointless small talk. 

Leonie had a problem of lingering in bars and blowing through their cash with alcohol, though; Felix had yet to figure out how to break that habit.

Regardless, they made sure to always ask, "Have you seen a man with blond hair and one blue eye who stands over six feet?"

* * *

They traveled for about a year and a half, and that was when they finally reunited with Hilda. 

The woman strolled inside the tavern as though she was a regular and plopped a seat at their table. She beamed brightly, looking terribly out of place with her pristine dress and perfectly coiffed hair. "Well, well, if it isn't my two adorable friends," Hilda said.

"How did you manage to find us?" Leonie exclaimed with a gasp. 

"Leonie, I've seen you write letters," Felix deadpanned. "I know that you've been keeping tabs on us for them."

She promptly dropped the act. "Okay, fine. I've been telling everyone about our whereabouts."

"Hey, don't take it out on her. We needed updates on what our favorite grouch is doing," Hilda interjected with a smile. Felix was immediately suspicious. 

"What do you want?" he asked.

"What kind of reunion is this? He's acting no differently than when we got back together for the Millennium Festival!" Hilda complained. "You know that this is where we exchange hugs and kisses, right?"

"To be fair, this is Felix, after all," Leonie said.

"You didn't answer my question," Felix prompted.

After a few attempts at circumventing, Hilda finally relented and said, "We have a lead as to where Dimitri may be."

Felix immediately glared at her. "Why didn't you start with that?"

"Well, I had to stall time!"

He faltered. Stall time? For what?

An answer arrived unexpectedly. An arm slipped around his shoulders as a recognizable voice crooned into his ear, "Missed me?"

He pulled away from the hold and stared at the man with wide eyes, shocked. "Claude!"

Claude smirked. "The one and only."

There were many things that Felix could say. A warm greeting, a teasing remark - anything. But the only thing that came out of his mouth was: "I thought that I had six months left."

"Five months and twelve days," Claude corrected, "but who's counting?"

* * *

Felix's relationship with Claude had begun after the duke heir apparent had recruited him into the Golden Deer house. Though Felix had technically been drafted under Claude's leadership, the two had circled each other as though expecting one to draw his blade and deliver a backstabbing blow.

Yet what had been a tumultuous and chary relationship, built on one-upmanship and schemes, had evolved into an irrevocable bond of trust, loyalty, and admiration. It had been a bond that had bloomed during the war, and a bond that had cemented their admittance that they couldn't walk their path without the other. 

Essentially, they were in love. 

And with that love came understanding, hence why Claude had acknowledged Felix's reasons to go on his quest. 

In the duration of Felix's journey across Fodlan, Claude had his own plans to set in motion. Securing his ascension to kingship in Almyra was no easy feat, after all, especially when he had to prove his worth to those who scorned his half-Fodlani heritage. He had been challenged on the court and on the field, and he had many attempts made on his life. He had to build up his influence and connections where his half-brothers had years to get ahead.

However, after two years - _one year and five months and twelve days_ , as Claude would insist - Claude had returned to Fodlan as the king of Almyra. His royal majesty, King Khalid.

"Don't push yourself too hard," Claude snorted when Felix had tried to pronounce his Almyran name - his _real_ name. 

Felix scowled. "Whatever."

"I appreciate the effort. Makes me feel loved."

"I see that you're as ridiculous as ever."

Claude threw his head back and laughed. Felix unabashedly stared. Before, he would have turned away, smothering the strange jarring emotion that ached within his bosom. But now - now that Claude was here with him at long last - he didn't care.

The time spent being apart from the other man had created a chasm that had deepened every time Felix had felt the pang of loneliness. He had thought that he had figured out his feelings, but, as it turned out, he hadn't realized their depths until now. 

To see Claude laughing easily, no longer burdened with the need to conceal parts of himself, made his heart feel too big for his chest to contain. Felix had seen Claude hide himself more than he had revealed himself, which made the sight felt intimately precious. Felix was swept away by an intoxicating warmth that he was feeling rather overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with not only because of his reunion with Claude, but also...

Claude stretched out a hand and cupped Felix's cheek, brushing his skin with his thumb. His green eyes arrested him in their tender gaze, full of familiarity that Felix gladly leaned into his space. 

"I almost forgot how cat-like you are," Claude chuckled.

"Don't expect me to purr for you."

Claude chuckled again before smiling at him softly. "So, how do you feel?"

Felix didn't respond right away, opting to luxuriate in Claude's presence as an excuse to get his thoughts sorted out. He mulled over the question for a moment. How did he feel? After everything that happened... "Like I'm about to burst," Felix finally confided. "I didn't expect to see you so soon and yet here you are. And now I get to finally see Dimitri again."

"Nervous?"

"Why would I be? I only now have definite proof that the boar prince has been alive this whole time, probably hidden away in his cave while we did his dirty work for him."

"Okay, not just nervous. You're angry too."

Felix sighed and dropped his head on Claude's shoulder. "I don't understand why he stayed away."

"Well, you'll get to find out tomorrow. There's that, at least." He snaked an arm around Felix's waist and held him close. "It's okay to feel like everything is too much to handle, but I know that it'll work out just fine. I mean, it did for us, didn't it?"

Despite himself, Felix snorted. "I suppose if that's the case." Felix leaned against Claude, finding a spot to comfortably settle in. "So, tell me what our former classmates have been telling you. No doubt they've been relaying you details about my search just as Leonie has been to them."

* * *

It had taken Felix an embarrassingly long time to figure out that their friends had been keeping a look out for Dimitri ever since Felix and Leonie had marched out of Faerghus. And it had been because of Leonie's exchange with them that she had known where their next destination would be.

Felix had unwittingly followed her lead when she had insisted heading towards Goneril territory. He should have noticed what was up, and yet all the clues had flown over his head. 

Surprisingly, Felix didn't feel upset about it whatsoever.

Perhaps it had to do with anxiety roiling in his stomach or the flutter of anticipation that kept his mind occupied. Perhaps it was a mixture of both considering how he was finally going to see Dimitri at long last.

Felix and Leonie had ridden with Claude and Hilda respectively on their wyverns. They had traveled for miles, soaring high above a long canopy of the forest until the trees receded and the ground became grassy planes. Eventually, they landed on the edge of a village - not too far from their reach, yet not too close to warrant any attention from the people. 

And standing nearby to greet them was Dedue.

Felix stared, stunned. He hadn't expected to see him. Like Dimitri, everyone had assumed that he had perished. 

"Thanks for meeting up with us," Claude said, sliding off of the saddle. He offered him a grin, to which Dedue returned with an unreadable expression. The Duscuran then turned his attention onto Felix, who reflexively stiffened under his stony gaze.

"Felix," Dedue intoned calmly, his voice carried by a deep rumble. 

Felix hopped off the wyvern and slowly approached the man, appraising him. It had been several years since Felix had last seen him, and even before that, during their school days, he had seldom interacted with him. He had been with the Golden Deer while Dedue had remained steadfast by Dimitri's side in the Blue Lions house. Despite that, Felix could see clearly just how these years had changed him.

There was a deep-seated weariness in Dedue's eyes that reminded Felix of father's eyes. It was as though Dedue had witnessed horror after horror, having grown long resigned to the tragic realities of this world. Dedue looked _old_. 

Felix involuntarily huffed at that. "I didn't expect to see you here, dog, albeit I should have, knowing you."

"Of course, Felix wouldn't think to spare manners on any occasion," Leonie muttered behind him. 

"I have been informed of your reasons for searching for his highness," Dedue said, "but I wish to hear them from you. Why have you come?"

Why did he dedicate all this time searching for Dimitri? What could Felix possibly want from last Blaiddyd, the last ruling line of Faerghus, when he had, once upon a time, spent every second either shunning him or avoiding him? That was what Felix had heard in Dedue's inquiry - his accusation - and the aftertaste of the implication was like bile on his tongue.

Felix's lips flattened as his fists tightened at his sides, but he didn't fall into that familiar whirlwind of anger. He could fling his own accusations and interrogate Dedue, and it would be so easy to do so, but he refrained himself. He wasn't here to do that. He crossed lands for a purpose _._

"I want to apologize to him," Felix said, "and then say goodbye."

An elaboration wasn't necessary; Dedue already understood what Felix had meant by an apology. The latter took the Duscuran by surprise, however.

"You'll... You won't be taking his highness away?" Dedue asked with widened eyes.

Felix frowned. "If he wanted to return, he could have done that on his own volition. Besides, I have better things to do than drag the boar out of his hole."

Whatever he said, it appeased Dedue. The man's broad shoulders dropped and he released a soft sigh. "I will take you to him, but there are things that I must explain to you beforehand."

* * *

The reason why Dimitri hadn't returned despite being alive...was because he had amnesia.

"He sustained a dire head injury at Gronder Field," Dedue said solemnly. "His condition was terrible, overall. His highness would have died from blood lost had we not been found by a healer."

Dedue recounted how he had managed to drag Dimitri's unconscious body away, narrowly dodging the Imperial soldiers' pursuit. Hilda gasped, amazed by how Dimitri had survived despite what she had witnessed. Frankly, everyone was. A person would have died right then and there after being pierced by multiple blades; but, then again, Dimitri was no ordinary man.

"And he hasn't remembered anything ever since?" Claude asked.

Dedue shook his head. "All that he can recall is his name."

"Is there a possibility that he'll ever recover his memories?"

"The healer said that such a thing is possible; however, it can take days to years - decades, even - for that to happen."

A heavy silence fell over the group, processing what Dedue had told them. Decades - just for Dimitri to remember his past and his identity, it was possible that it could take him _decades_. And even if he would regain his memories before then, what then? How would Dimitri react to a Fodlan that no longer needed him? That flourished under a different ruler? Would he challenge Byleth for the throne? Would his madness spur him to engage in another rebellion?

Where Felix had thought that Dimitri had been deliberately ducking out of the spotlight, the situation at hand turned out to be much worse. 

"If I may make a selfish request," Dedue broached tentatively. "I beg of you: Please do not let anyone know about his highness's whereabouts. Keep this to yourself if you can."

That was when Felix's temper took hold. He bristled and took a step towards the man. "That _is_ selfish. Don't you think that Ingrid and Sylvain would want to see Dimitri again?" he hissed. "He's their friend. Their _childhood_ friend! Don't think that you have any right in keeping this from them."

Dedue bowed his head, and the easy admission infuriated Felix even more. "I understand, but you too must understand that having more people in the know would alert many more of his highness's location. I sincerely believe that his anonymity would benefit him more so - "

"That boar had over a year to recover! How much longer are you going to mollycoddle him, dog? Amnesia or not, they deserve to know."

A hand fell on Felix's shoulder, making him stop. Felix looked over and saw Claude giving him a meaningful stare. His scowl deepened and he fumed, but he pulled back and allowed Claude to take the reins. He trusted him.

Claude nodded at him before turning to Dedue. "You're worried about people dragging him back and forcing him to become king, is that it? Or, even more than that, you don't want people flocking to him when his mental state is fragile."

Dedue's lack of answer was confirmation enough. 

Dedue's earlier words - _having more people in the know_ \- rang in Felix's head. "Ingrid and Sylvain wouldn't allow information to leak if they knew the severity of the situation," Felix argued.

"But it would raise eyebrows if a Faerghun lord and lady were to drop by across the country for unknown reasons, right?" Claude pressed. "Also, if they learn that Dimitri has been alive all along, how do you think they'll react? Think about it: You always knew that he couldn't have died back then, Felix, but they believed and still believe that he did die."

Felix grimaced. 

"The healer ascertained that his highness's previous psychological problems may be what hinders the recovery process," Dedue added haltingly. "That his own mind is suppressing his memories to protect himself." Psychological problems, he had said, which meant he had been referring to Dimitri's _ghosts_. "As a result, I have taken his highness to a remote village away from the Empire's influence."

"Out of sight, out of mind," Claude quipped. "Then has this little getaway showed any progress?"

"He's - " Dedue paused. "He's happier."

Happier? Playing as some backwater villager in a backwater village truly made Dimitri happy? Felix was so baffled, so indignant, that he didn't know what else he could say to that. 

"I thought that you were loyal to the Kingdom," Hilda piped up, "what with you always hovering by the prince's side back in the academy. How come you never came back to help liberate Faerghus?"

"You misunderstand. I bear no loyalty to the Kingdom, but only to his highness and him alone," Dedue said. Hilda's confusion was still apparent, but the Duscuran didn't indulge her any more details. 

"But if Dimitri says that he wants to go back, would you let him?" Leonie inquired.

"Yes. Whatever his highness wishes, I will act accordingly to fulfill."

He made it sound as though Dimitri would have wanted to be stowed away like some fairytale damsel in a sky-high tower. Unless... "Only if he mentions it explicitly," Felix growled. "Otherwise, you'd just take advantage of his memory loss! You haven't told him about who he is, haven't you?"

"I would never take advantage of his highness," Dedue countered gravely, narrowing his eyes. "As I've said, his anonymity - this new lifestyle - is for his sake. He's safe and happy."

"He doesn't need to be protected anymore; the Empire has already fallen! Edelgard is dead. And Dimitri could have top-tier physicians to properly treat him, not just some random healer who you stumbled upon."

"Wait, Felix, he may have a point," Claude interjected.

He gaped at him. " _What_?"

"I don't think Dedue was lying when he said that Dimitri's mind is blocking his memories. I might not have known the guy as well as you two, but I've seen how he was like back in Gronder." Back in Gronder where Claude and Dimitri had their confrontation. If Felix hadn't rushed in with the Aegis Shield, Claude would have been killed by Dimitri's hand. Felix nearly shuddered at the reminder.

"And back in the academy," Claude continued, "Dimitri always seemed like a relatively cheerful guy, but he really wasn't, was he? You told me as much - of why he was a 'boar'."

Felix glared. "What of it?"

"He really is happier like this - and better for it. He has no obligations to hang him by the neck and no one to scrutinize him for his every move. From what I remember, the guy was wound up tight, and what happened in Gronder - no, even before that. When Edelgard revealed herself to be the Flame Emperor, Dimitri's sanity more or less snapped. Having to oblige expectations while maintaining a crumbling facade must have been suffocating. It makes sense as to why he became unhinged.

"So, to thrust him back to the same position that rendered him to be like that just might have an adverse effect on him. For his sake, it'd be best if he remains where he is until he's ready," Claude punctuated with a sigh.

"Is this your long-winded way of saying how ignorance is bliss?" Felix tried to snap, but the bite of his remark fell weak even to his ears.

He smiled. "Basically, yeah," he said airily. Felix frowned and struggled to find something else to say, but Claude wasn't finished yet. "Although, I don't think it'd be right to keep Dimitri's friends out of the loop. How about we come to a compromise? Let's give Dimitri a deadline of, say, a year. Whether he remembers anything or not in that duration, Ingrid and Sylvain ought to know."

Dedue considered that. "Two years."

"Two years it is!" Claude cheerfully said, much to Felix's incredulity.

"Claude - !"

"Anyway, since Felix won't be here to act as your envoy, we'll have Hilda here to do the job."

"Claude, just because you're my buddy doesn't mean you get to give me more work to do," Hilda said, voice saccharine. 

"Oh, come on, Hilda! You're the closest one to them."

As the two bantered with one another, Felix felt his indignation simmer, leaving behind the debris of his exasperation and exhaustion. He exhaled heavily. Admittedly, Claude had handled the situation better than he ever could, and he was once again thankful to have the man here. Nonetheless, he would have preferred not to wait to let Ingrid and Sylvain know. Two whole years? Ridiculous! They should receive the news as soon as possible.

Felix hadn't noticed Dedue's staring until he felt the man's eyes boring holes into his skull. "What?" Felix demanded waspishly.

"I thought that you renounced your title as Duke Fraldarius," Dedue said in lieu of a question.

His brows furrowed. How did Dedue find out about that? It wasn't as though affairs of the north would be something for someone in a remote village in the east to know. Did Hilda tell him? "I have. What of it?" 

"I suppose you won't be here because of your mercenary work, correct?"

"Mercenary...?" Realization dawned on him. "No, that's not it. It's true that I have been working as a mercenary since I stepped down, but it was only a means to sustain myself. After this, I will be leaving Fodlan for Almyra."

Dedue blinked. "Almyra? Why would you be going there?"

To outright say "To be with Claude" somehow felt too significant to do. It had been no secret what his relationship with Claude was, and Claude had certainly made sure of that after he had kissed him in front of everyone during the victory celebrations. But Dedue didn't know any of that and Felix didn't want to be the one to tell him.

"Sightseeing," was what Felix decided to say instead. Dedue appeared dubious, but that was hardly Felix's problem. Felix crossed his arms and shot him an impatient glare. "Are we going or what?"

* * *

Perhaps Felix had been dramatic when he had assumed the village to be a dirty hovel. Granted, what other environment would be suitable for a boar?

The village was small, but there thrived a tight-knit community within. While the people passing by gave Felix and Claude odd looks (Leonie and Hilda stayed behind to watch over the wyverns), they greeted Dedue warmly.

They were stopped by some people: a pair of old ladies who wanted to thank Dedue for helping them uproot weeds in their gardens, a mother who enthusiastically requested for his stew recipe, and a man who asked if he had time to assist in fixing a broken gate. It was obvious that, here, no one sneered or balked at him for being a foreigner. 

Felix wondered if this was partly the reason why Dedue had been opposed to letting Dimitri go. No doubt that he would follow the boar wherever he went, but that would mean leaving behind the people who treated him as their own.

"You sure made yourself popular here," Claude observed, interest glittering in his eyes. "Did you woo them over with your cooking?"

"Wooing was not necessary, but my cooking did give a lasting impression, or so I've been told," Dedue replied placidly, although the small smile on his face betrayed his humor.

"How about Dimitri?"

"He is well-liked, although many of the villagers were quick to learn that he lacked finesse with his strength, so they don't ask him for aid with chores as often as they do with me. He is a talented teacher, however; he is quite popular with the parents for that."

Felix noticed that Dedue didn't refer Dimitri how he usually did. 

They neared a cottage after cutting past a series of houses. They didn't venture far from the other residences, but the cottage did stand out with its colorful array of flowers growing around it. The sweet smell of the flora made Felix's nose itch, and he sidestepped to avoid knocking over a pot. 

Claude nudged him with his elbow and surreptitiously motioned to the man tending to one of the flowerbeds. Felix's breath hitched when he took in the large frame and golden hair. He didn't notice that he had stopped walking when he felt Claude's hand press against the small of his back. 

"You okay?" Claude asked. 

Felix bobbed his head, not trusting his voice to answer for him. 

"Dimitri," Dedue said, brushing past them. "We have guests."

The man lifted his head, his tresses falling over his forehead and framing his face. His singular blue eye shined from the sun and a dazzling smile spread across his face. The openness of his joy brought a lump in Felix's throat and an aching thump in his chest. And, in that painfully familiar voice, the man said, "Dedue, welcome home."

* * *

Dedue was reluctant in leaving Felix alone with Dimitri, but Claude convinced him that it was for the best. Before he would depart, though, Dedue fixed Felix a heavy stare and said in a voice quiet enough so that only he could hear, "He always cared about you. More than you could ever know."

What a loaded meaning. Felix had enough restraint to not grab Dedue by the collar and yell at him. Instead, he turned away and glowered at the table. When Claude and Dedue's footfalls fell quiet, that was when Felix knew that he and Dimitri were the only ones here. 

A cup of tea slid in front of him. Felix looked up, meeting Dimitri's nervous smile. "I hope you don't mind the flavor; it's an herbal blend that's common around here," he said. "B-but if it isn't to your liking, I can ask my neighbors if they have anything else." 

He shook his head. "It's fine," he mumbled, picking up the cup. As he took a sip, he snuck a furtive glance at Dimitri.

The man placed the teapot in the middle of the table, took a seat across from him, and wrapped his hands around his own cup. Felix set the cup down with a click and looked straight ahead to give him his full attention. He caught the tail-end of Dimitri's startled expression before the other man quickly donned on a sloppily plastered smile. 

"What is it that you wish to talk to me about?" Dimitri inquired awkwardly.

"You really don't remember me, do you?"

Dimitri promptly appeared abashed. "Forgive me. I - for these past two years, I have yet to recall anything of my past." He lifted his chin shyly. "I do admit, there is something familiar about you. That lord - Lord Claude, was it? - introduced him and you as old friends of mine. I cannot fathom being friends with someone of high standing, but...is that true?"

Felix was torn between laughing or crying at the absurdity of this. A prince being unable to comprehend his possible friendship with a lord? Claude might be a king now, but, before then, he had been known as a duke heir, and that was hardly comparable to that of a prince in terms of status. Felix swallowed, forcing himself to calm down. 

"It's true," Felix affirmed, but then backtracked. "At least, it was true. You and Claude were on good terms, but you and I... We haven't been friends for a very long time."

His expression contorted with distraught. "Was it my doing?"

Of course, the idiot would first assume that he was at fault. "You didn't do anything wrong," Felix gritted out, curling his hands on his knees. "I was the one who severed our friendship."

"But that doesn't mean that it couldn't be because of me," Dimitri pointed out despondently.

"It's not - it's not like that." Air gusted out of Felix like a punch. He had known that his meeting with Dimitri would be nothing like his meeting with Claude, but he had underestimated just how much he would be affected by this. Where Claude had evoked a warm comfort after a wave of excitement, Dimitri had always been a source of complex feelings for Felix.

But with the years set between them, with Felix coming to terms just how wrong he had been, he had thought that he could speak to Dimitri with the willingness that came with maturity. As it would seem, he would never be ready. 

But ready or not, he had this opportunity now, and he wouldn't get another one if he backed down. 

He looked at Dimitri - really looked at him - and saw a man who was whole and hale. His hair curtained his missing eye, but the one that was visible was clear and bright, just as it had been when Felix had first saw him. Perhaps this was a man who saw fire and tragedies in his dreams, or was even haunted by them day by day; yet, as of right now, he was a man who had been absolved of his despair - the one that Felix had spent his adolescence cursing him for.

Guilt was a vice-grip on his heart. This was why Felix needed to talk to him. 

"You didn't do anything wrong," Felix sighed, steepling his fingers on the table. "Rather, I'm the one to blame."

Dimitri blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Dimitri, I don't know if there will ever be a day where you'll get your memories back, but I will tell you this for that day that might come: Everything that I've done and everything that I've said to you, it was because of my own misunderstanding. I was young back then, so what I believed to be true was merely influenced by my own childishness. Still, that's no excuse for my cruelty. A man isn't so simple as to pigeonhole him into black or white logic, and that's what I've come to see."

"Wh-what are you saying...?"

"I'm saying that I'm sorry, Dimitri. I'm sorry that I've been a terrible friend. I lashed out because I was - afraid," Felix pried out the word from his mouth. He sighed again. "I was afraid. I was a coward. It was because of my cowardice that I never reached back whenever you reached for me. So - I'm sorry."

"I don't understand," Dimitri whispered. 

"It's okay that you don't. You don't need to understand; all you have to do is live your life happily. You are happy here, aren't you? With Dedue?"

Dimitri gave a jerky nod. "I am..."

"Then focus on that. Just - focus on being happy. You of all people deserve it." Felix hated to admit it, but perhaps Dedue was right. The image of Dimitri's unadulterated joy had been seared into his mind; it was the kind of joy that Felix hadn't seen Dimitri express since their carefree childhood days. If the world was to know about Dimitri's existence, would he be shackled again? Would his peaceful life be over? Felix, on his good conscience, couldn't allow that to happen.

Dimitri, however, wasn't satisfied with such a response. "You said that there was something about me that you were afraid of," he said. His lone eye was wide with alarm. "Then there must be some atrocity that I must have committed. Please, tell me! I must atone - "

"Dimitri, enough," Felix interrupted sternly. "I told you already, you deserve to be happy. I wouldn't say that to someone who I thought was a monster."

"But you were still scared," he insisted. "Isn't there anything you can say? Dedue hardly tells me anything, and I'm left clueless as to who I was and what I've done!"

For your own good, Felix thought dully. "You've done nothing wrong," he said, the lie rolling off of his tongue. Dimitri's manic laughter and grin from the Western Rebellion would forever be a personal ghost of his just as King Lambert, Queen Patricia, and Glenn were for Dimitri. Dimitri didn't need to know that, though. Out of a need to move his hands, Felix picked up the cup and drank, the tea now being lukewarm. 

"I feel as though that isn't true," Dimitri lamented, staring at his hands. "Sometimes, I wake up to hearing screams, yet there is no one there. I hear whispers accusing me, asking me why I abandoned them and - and left them to die." Felix felt his blood run cold by the confession. "Dedue says that this is an effect of trauma, but...your words are the confirmation that I was once someone terrible."

"My words were meant for the Dimitri who'll remember, not for the Dimitri who doesn't know life beyond this village," Felix said, voice tight. "Don't presume anything that you hardly know anything of. For that matter, don't pester Dedue for any more information. The man has gone through hell and back for your sake."

Dimitri resembled a kicked puppy, and Felix inwardly kicked himself for making him look that way. "Isn't there anything...?" 

"No, and you shouldn't worry about it. Whatever happened in the past will stay in the past. Dimitri." Felix reached over and grabbed his hand. Dimitri flinched at the contact, but he didn't pull away; instead, his fingers automatically curled around his own. "Dimitri, listen to me. We've all made mistakes, and my greatest one was with you. But whatever you've done, you've done because you were wronged first. You've done what you could with the broken pieces of yourself, but what you have now is different."

Felix locked his eyes with Dimitri's blue one. "Don't go chasing after ghosts," Felix said. "They're not what's important; it's the here and now that is. You have Dedue and this village. You have people who obviously care and like you, so don't turn away from that."

He watched as Dimitri's throat bobbed up and down. "Felix, is that right? Who - who were you to me?"

"I was your friend," Felix murmured. 

"Was that all?"

_I was your friend - your childhood friend. I was supposed to be your sworn knight, your retainer, your advisor, your sword and shield. I was supposed to be there for you every step of the way._

Felix didn't say any of that. He had lost the right to. 

Whatever answer Dimitri had gotten out of Felix's silence, he nodded and asked, "Will I see you again?"

"No," Felix replied, and a bubble of hysteria formed within him at the sight of Dimitri's sheer dismay. "Why? Going to miss me? You didn't even know me until today."

"But you feel so familiar," he said. "And why is it that we won't meet? Where will you be going?"

"Almyra."

"What? Why would you go that far?"

_To be with Claude. To become his advisor. To support him during his reign as king. To help him foster relations with Fodlan. To be with Claude._

"Sightseeing," Felix said, giving him the same answer as he had with Dedue.

Dimitri looked at him incredulously. " _Sightseeing_? Surely you must be jesting!"

Felix couldn't help himself; he laughed. "Partly," he huffed, tugging his hand free. He smiled. "Although, perhaps our separation won't be forever. Who knows what will happen in the future."

Dimitri glanced at his hand splayed on the table and slowly closed it into a loose fist. He then returned to Felix's face. "I do hope that I'll gain my memories back so that I can tell you that I forgive you."

Felix exhaled. "You're assuming again. You don't know if it's something that you can forgive or not."

"I feel as though it's within my capacity to do so. Do you disagree?"

"Not at all. You've always been too forgiving to those who you're close to." Except for Edelgard. Felix immediately banished the thought. "Don't push yourself too hard; you got your hands full enough as it is. I heard that you're teaching?"

Dimitri's eye lit up. "I suppose Dedue mentioned it? Yes, I'm a teacher. I was surprised for my affinity for it when I first volunteered for the role, but I've come to greatly enjoy it." 

Felix settled comfortable in his seat, content to listen to Dimitri fondly talk about the children who learned under his instruction.

* * *

_Eight years ago..._

Dimitri watched as Felix stormed out of the training yard, once again fuming at whatever Dimitri had said. 

The prince sighed and stared forlornly at the lance on the ground. He had thought that he could reconnect with Felix with something that he was passionate in - training - but it had fallen apart all too quickly the moment Dimitri had opened his mouth. 

He hadn't considered that bringing up memories of their childhood - memories of when they had learned how to wield weapons and had sparred together - would have caused Felix to snarl at him. He hadn't considered that the past would have instead elicit painful reminders instead of sweet ones. 

Dimitri was a fool. He should have known better. 

"Your highness?" Dedue emerged from the entry. Dimitri jumped in surprise and looked around, noticing that daylight was growing dimmer. Just how long had he been standing here? "Is everything alright?"

"Of course," Dimitri said a tad too quickly. He cleared his throat and said, "Is it evening already? I must have gotten carried away with practice."

If Dedue detected his lie, he didn't show it. "I will escort you to the dining hall, your highness."

Dimitri nodded and hurried to put the lance away. 

Although today had turned out to be a failure, he wasn't deterred. He would have to try again and again. While Felix might no longer be a Blue Lion, he was still someone very dear to him. Dimitri wouldn't stop until his outstretched hand would be reciprocated.

Felix didn't need to return his feelings - feelings that Dimitri would hide away with a lock and key - but he at least _hoped_ for that one day where Felix would turn around and walk towards him rather than away from him. He hoped and dreamed of a day where Felix would become his precious friend again. But in order for that day to happen, he would have to continue and persist. 

And, so, Dimitri steeled himself, taking step after step alongside Dedue.


End file.
